


The Strongest Man

by lavenderfreckles



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: FTM Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Levi Is Bad At Feelings, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Trans Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), i hope no one is offended, idk there's a lot of disphoria i hope i did it well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9392540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderfreckles/pseuds/lavenderfreckles
Summary: Levi wasn't born with the parts he wished, but that doesn't stop him from being admired and loved.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I love the transgender Levi idea, because I sort of relate to it and it's basically canon for me. I hope you enjoy!

_Why am I not a girl, goddammit? I have the shitty body of one, so why do I not feel it?_

Changing and being in front of the mirror at the end of the day was the worst part of Levi's life. In a way he was forcing himself to, almost as if some sick, twisted part of his brain enjoyed seeing him suffer so much. Or maybe there was a tiny speck of child-like foolishness left that hoped his parts would change overnight.

They obviously never would.

They didn't change when he first realised his body wasn't in harmony with his mind at age 5.

They didn't change when he started going through girl puberty at age 13.

And they certainly wouldn't change now that he was the most respected soldier in the Survey Corps, “Humanity's Strongest Soldier”, at 30 years old.

The only satisfaction he had about the whole thing was that no one actually knew. To everyone, he was Captain Levi Ackerman, the bravest man in the history of the Survey Corps. And that was how everyone should know him. And yet, he still was a little anxious, as if the truth about his birth gender was going to be exposed to the world at any given moment and he would've had to face the fall out of it. He was sure he'd never be ready for something like that.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror, still tutting in disgust. His chest had gotten a little flatter, but that was due to years of covering it with really tight bandages, so it mainly just looked disgusting even if he had felt comfortable with it. Around his ribcage was red and sore, so clearly bandages were not the ideal health wise, but that was all he could find by himself. His hips were still too wide for his liking. They weren't really wide, as he had a naturally smaller frame and exercise had diminished them, but still wide enough to annoy him. And lets not even get started on where his dick should have been, that was the most disappointing bit of all. His official “ha ha you're a woman and that's all you'll ever be” bit. He hated the mere word. “Vagina” meant woman. To everyone. That was simply the way the world worked.

_So why in holy fucking wall's name am I stuck with one?_

While contemplating his disappointment of a body he was annoyed yet again, when he felt a familiar pain in his lower body and rushed to his bathroom.

_Fuck, this shit is back again._

Periods were probably the worst thing on this planet. Another constant, regular reminder that he was not born a man, only this one could actually be seen. Luckily he spent so much time covered in blood on the battlefield anyway that no one had ever paid any attention to any extra on his trousers. But the way to contain them, “sanitary towels” he had heard Petra call them once, were nothing short of humiliating. They weren't towels, they were god damned diapers. As if drowning in your own blood every month wasn't bad enough.

The only times those things ever came in handy was when he was done with them at the end of the week. He'd often overhear female cadets worrying that they didn't have enough of them and he could sneak them through their doors. They would never know who they were from. At least they'd better not. And if anyone ever saw him that close to the cadets' rooms he could just stare at them with disdain and they'd leave him alone. Brilliant.

After preparing for the bloody night ahead he grabbed the sheets from his small balcony where he'd left them to dry and fixed them on his bed. He then climbed into bed and started reading the book Arlert had left on the table in the cafeteria about the outside world. It was fascinating, for a lack of better words.

Levi fell properly asleep for the first time in what felt like centuries to the gentle lullaby of oceans and volcanoes.

The next morning he woke up to the sound of the roosters from the farms nearby yelling. And while the average person would have cringed, sighed and tried going back to sleep, Levi had a lazy, comforted smile on his face. He had dreamt of beautiful things which he didn't remember, but still left a warm feeling. The blood from the period hadn't even reached the bed for once. Yes, it promised to be quite an alright day.

In reality it was quite a normal day, but it somehow felt better. Arlert's questions felt like he respected Levi enough to know his opinion rather than impertinence, Mikasa (who he never called Ackerman because that was his surname too and it would be weird) looked at the top of her game, even Eren was honestly trying at not being a raging shithead, and Jean... no, Jean was still a horse-face. Honestly he should have felt that something was wrong, he should have seen it coming, he was never in such a good mood.

After dinner he went back to his room trying to get into that state of mild happiness he had been in all day. Of course the way not to is to look at your disappointment of a body in the mirror. And yet, there he was again, as if his brain truly hated him. Luckily his good mood got him to notice the nice bits of it, the ones he was proud of, most of all his muscles. _I got those there. I worked for those. I deserve them._ And other nice thoughts entered his brain for once, as a little revenge for forcing himself in front of the mirror every day.

“Captain, the Commander asked me to tell you-” Eren started, then froze.

Levi froze. Everything seemed to stop for a second while he evaluated the situation.

_I am naked._

_Eren has just walked in._

_He knows I don't have a penis._

_Brilliant. Just what I needed._

Eren went bright red and shouted “I'M SO SORRY CAPTAIN I APOLOGISE I'LL LEAVE NOW”

Then he ran down the corridor half closing the door. Levi rushed to the door and shut it completely. He leaned his back on it and slid down, covering his face with his knees and releasing a muffled scream. _That shitty brat couldn't keep a secret if his shitty life depended on it. What will I do?_

He decided to try and sleep. He couldn't.

He tried reading Arlert's book. Nothing.

He went for some chamomile tea. Which turned out to be peppermint. So that failed.

He just couldn't sleep. He spent hours in his moderately comfortable single bed, ridden with worry of what everyone thought of him now that Eren had found out and told. He wasn't annoyed at the lack of sleep really, that was nothing new, but the idea that anyone would treat him differently if they knew made him sick. Literally. He ran to the toilet to throw up at least 5 times.

When he heard the roosters yelling he decided it was an appropriate time to get up. He wondered if it was even worth covering his chest if everyone knew, but he decided to do it anyway. _One last effort, I suppose._

He found no one as he walked down the corridor. They were all in the common meal room. He breathed deeply a few times in front of the door, trying to get ready to face his forced coming out. Also he was really hungry.

He walked in.

_What?_

_Why are people not pointing?_

_Why aren't they staring?_

_Are they containing themselves?_

It looked like nothing had changed.

Everyone was eating, the cadets respectfully saluted him, Hanji was still trying to get something from Eren “for science”. It was all so normal. Almost peaceful.

_Of course, Eren found out and he's gonna use it as blackmail! That's the only solution!_

He decided he'd found a reason to be pissed off at Eren, so he called him to an empty room near the meal room.

“Sir? You asked to see me?” Eren asked, fiddling with his thumbs.

“Let's cut the bullcrap Jaeger, you know what this is about.” Levi snapped.

“I do?” Eren asked, then gulped. “Is it about last night? I'm so sorry I usually knock you know I do but I just kinda forgot I didn't I'm so sorry for barging in and-”

“Why didn't you say anything to anyone?” Levi growled.

“You... you wanted me to tell?” Eren inquired, now very confused.

Levi rolled his eyes, pinned the boy to the wall by his wrists and looked at him deeply.

“Are you gonna use it against me? What do you want?” he hissed.

Eren, who had only looked confused up until this point, was now offended and he forcefully released himself from the captain's grasp.

“Captain, why do you not trust me? Why in Wall's name would I blackmail you? I respect you so much, you are the bravest and most admirable man I know! Who cares if you weren't born with the 'right parts'? Definitely not me! And I'm sure everyone in the military would think the same thing!”

Levi was silent for a moment. _Is this real? Is this an actual thing?_

He had no idea what to say. Being accepted for his literal _naked_ truth didn't happen every day.

“We all care about you, Captain, the way you were born changes nothing.” Eren continued softly. “I think it adds to how much you've had to deal with and makes you that much cooler!” he added with an excited, almost childlike tone.

 

Levi let out a relieved laugh and almost smiled. That was the happiest Eren had ever seen him.

“So, uh, even cooler, eh?” Levi said, smoothing himself up with relief.

“Absolutely sir!” Eren replied giddily.

“Um, be honest Jaeger, do you see me differently now? At all?”

He didn't reply right away.

“Uh, no sir, no way!”

“There's something, isn't there?”

“I-I'm sure I d-don't k-know what y-you mean, s-sir...” the boy was bright red, and he turned to leave. Levi grabbed his wrists into one hand and pinned him face first into the wall again.

“Tell me what it is, brat, I _want to know_.” he muttered softly in his ear.

Eren gave in.

“I... I have to change o-our p-positions i-in m-m-my... uh, f-fantasies, s-sir...”

_Oh my wall, I can't believe I just fucking said that. Good job, Eren._

“Your... fantasies?” Levi didn't get it. “Fantasies of wha-OH, you don't mean...  _T_ _hose kind_ of fantasies?”

Eren was mortified as he nodded his head slowly.

This time Levi really didn't know how to speak or what to say. This boy had just admitted he got off on the idea of them together.

He let go of the boy and backed away a little.

“I'm sorry, sir...” Eren ran out of the room.

 

_So... apparently I'm hot?_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so glad I finally finished it, it's been on my mind for months so I hope I did the idea justice. Leave a comment to make my day?


End file.
